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Summer’s here. The sun’s sort of shining in quite a shit, cloudy way and seemingly everyone in Zone 2 is wearing flipflops (which, if you hadn’t realised, are actually no better than crocs i.e. supremely hideous and utterly pointless unless you live somewhere where you can feel the sand between your athlete’s foot. N.B. there’s no sand on Clapham Common, twats).

Consequently, almost every girl I know (myself included) has launched a military-style offensive on the fur and winter padding they’ve been so lovingly nurturing for the past 8 months. I’ve never heard the words “bikini body” so often as in the past few weeks. But lately, I’ve had a revelation.

I’ve realised, brainy wot I am, that there are, in fact, only two things you need for a bikini body.….

  1. A bikini
  2. A body

This is great news!!! I have both in fact! And so do you (Girl Power yo!).

Or not. WHO AM I KIDDING. I may own both a bikini and a body, but I’m also in the possession of an adoooooorable little food baby. So something’s gotta give before I find myself wearing an M&S tankini channeling the glory days of teenage body angst, weird body hair and nipples that looked a bit like limpets. It won’t be long before you catch me in a pair of flipflops.

Accordingly, I’ve taken to pretending to myself that I, y’know, don’t really like crisps that much anyway, and that I just luuuurve going to the gym etc., coz I’ve totally got like, at least a week, until Glastonbury yeah?

(N.B. I am actually just being facetious. Firstly, all my pals look super sexy in bikinis. Secondly, diets are for dweebs. Thirdly, my food baby is actually incredibly sweet and finally, this is actually just a totally delicious recipe for cucumber soup that happens to be basically made of pure health in liquid form and I needed something to write about).

So while is little gem of a recipe would be ideal for those moments the tankini-clad future feels uncomfortable close, it’s also great if you’re feeling really hot and/or lazy.

My aunt gave it to me – she’s v. clever. Also kudos to the creative genius I found on the internet who made a picture of a cucumber in a bikini.

Cold cucumber soup

  • 1 cucumber
  • 1 quite large garlic clove
  • ½ a green chili (no seeds) if you’re brave
  • about 300g of fat free Greek yogurt. I like Total
  • a handful of ice cubes
  • extra virgin olive oil
  1. Peel the cucumber and chop it into chunks. Crush the garlic clove or chop it v finely and the chili if using.
  2. Put it in a large measuring jug with the yogurt and the ice cubes and whizz it up until there’s no more lumps.
  3. If you like it thinner, just add some cold water. Make sure it’s icy fresh n cold when you eat it, and drizzle some olive oil on it if you’re posh like me.